I want to first of all thank everyone who responded via Facebook to my post yesterday. Truth be told, I did not intend to post something that made it appear that i was in this inconsolable pit of despair. That isn't the case, and I apologize if I gave that impression. I just needed to vent. I needed to spill out a bit of the gunk inside me; sorta babble my way through self-therapy. I realize that I have it very, very good. In fact, I am blessed in so many ways that to try to list them all would be a taunting task. Many of you who responded to the post have faced and lived through so terrible times; held up against mine, there would be no comparison. Some of you are going through crummy times right now; also, held against mine, no comparison. I get that. I understand that. And I have prayed for many of you as I have gotten to know the pain and struggles you have or are going through. Mine are childish in comparison. In fact, I have to relate an ironic little story. Last night, my wife proceeds to tell me what happened to a friend of ours. This past weekend she was in Virginia at her daughter's field hockey tournament. She gets slammed in the head by a field hockey ball right behind her right ear. Blood everywhere. Gets taken to the ER. 8 stitches and a lot of pain medication. They get home. Pain meds are out. Husband has to go out in search of a pharmacy open on a Sunday and ends up in Harrisburg at a 24 hour clinic. Gets home. Suddenly the family hears what sounds like gunfire coming from their backyard. Husband rushes everyone down to the basement and calls 911. Police show up and can't find anything or anyone. Wife is still in terrible pain. Both are teachers and report cards are due this week. So much chaos. I have it easy.
I guess the issue with me is that perception is reality. I perceive regret therefore I experience bitterness about the choices I have made. There is that saying that even though we may not have it as bad as the next person, the pain we experience in nonetheless real. Does it hold significance? Yes, it must, because it affects each of us in its own personal way. And the devil is sly. He knows what hurts each of us the most. He sends his little demons of Regret, Doubt, Lust, Gluttony, Selfishness, Anger, Apathy, Despair...he sends them out and attacks each of us where we are. When we let our guard down, the devil knows. He is slick. And cunning.
But the responses I got yesterday did help me to remember that our God is not a god of the past. He is a Future Tense God for He doesn't not dwell on what we have done in the past, but instead focuses on where He is taking us. And He will take us.
He will be by our sides.
He will walk with us near still waters and never let us go.
He will never leave us.
He will never deceive, betray, or disown us.
He will hold us accountable for our actions but in a loving, Fatherly way.
He will forgive us.
He will not hold a grudge or keep tabs on all our wrong-doings.
He will guide us by allowing us to make decisions, make mistakes, make blunders...He did not make us robots but humans.
He will love us unconditionally.
He will strengthen us in our lowest hour, cry with us when we are on our knees in despair, rejoice with us during our greatest victories.
He will walk us through the Wildereness.
He will greet the lost of us who finally come home.
Yes, God is a Future Tenser. I like that. Because living in the past can kill a person.
Again, thanks for all the comments, love, prayers, and openness!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhLYNGAjQLI
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