Too many things going through my mind. One thought in particular stands out and that is this: I'm glad I'm not God.
I think many people would love to play the role of God, even if just for a week, a day, an hour? Maybe. But not me. No, I don't want the heartbreak.
Imagine the pain you would have to feel if you were God. Millions and millions of sons and daughters, each and every day, living lives that run counter to your wishes for them. Thinking thoughts that are gray and misguided. Doing things that bring you pain. Saying words that don't reflect the love and hope and compassion and kindness that you wish for them to speak. Perverting your rules and guidelines to make them fit into their idea of a healthy life.
I think if I was God, I would end up doing a lot of crying. Ceaselessly. Nothing can hurt worse than watching your children fall. Seeing them get hurt. Observing the decisions they make each and every day and how those decisions bring them further from you rather than closer. Knowing what's best for them; pleading with them to see, only to feel the chasm between you and them expand and deepen. Knowing that if you chastise them you run the risk of pushing them further from you, yet allowing immoral and irresponsible behavior to continue will send them down that same path. Fighting to keep them close only to have them push you away with more conviction. Wanting them to need you yet seeing how independent from you they have become. Wanting to give them their freedom yet watching with the utmost heartache as they pervert that gift into a life of sin and suffering and senseless wandering. Calling to them but never being able to get them to listen. Reaching for them and only grasping air. Losing them and never really knowing if they will come back.
God's job would be a bit too much like having your heart surgically removed from your chest. You would have to be numb to everything. You would need to not care or at least be completely indifferent and separated from the very things you create. To survive as God, I think, would require you to be more like an insect or a sloth. Nearly unaware. Simply a being without feeling. Instinctual rather than intellectual. Apathetic as opposed to affectionate. God would continue to be all-knowing but not all-caring. All-powerful but not all-forgiving. Concerned about process rather than people. Singular rather than plural and never needing reciprocity.
Would it be simpler if God was just a sanitized manufacturer of life rather than a personal, loving deity? I think it would be. I might be more apt to sign up for that job. There'd be a lot less pain; or at least pain that people would try to make sense of. God's job would be so much easier and more straight-forward. There would be much less drama. Less confusion. Less anger. Less tears. Less of everything. Managing life would be more stream-lined and efficient. Expectations would be clearer. There would be little room for error and doubt, which would make life in general a lot less crazy and messed up. I could go for that.
Alas, though, naysayers would argue that with less drama comes less laughter.
Less confusion would come less accomplishments.
Less anger would create less forgiveness.
Less tears would come less gratitude.
Less error and doubt would come less spirit of invention, less creativity, less ingenuity.
Efficiency would lead to complacency. Complacency would lead to boredom. With boredom would come less responsibility. Less vitality for life. Less joy.
Clarity would lead certainly to a sense of independence and self-reliance. Self-reliance would lead to a life without God.
Life without God would lead to chaos.
That would be the argument. And I think the naysayers would have a point.
I'm not interested in being God. There's just a bit too much involved with that sort of management. Too much pain. Too much to think about. Too much to manage. It's hard enough being a parent of four kids. And maybe, just maybe, that's what this was truly all about.
No comments:
Post a Comment